Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Never Alone

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Deuteronomy 31:8

The ambulance was on the way. Andrew was having trouble swallowing and nothing we knew to do at home was helping. The constant muscle jerks he’d had in his neck the past month and a half had moved into his throat and chest. I was praying it wouldn’t affect his breathing while I ran around the house packing the 15 medications he took, his journal containing his medical history, videos and snacks in case this turned into an admission, and of course his blankie and favorite stuffed animal.

My husband was lying on the floor with Andrew, trying to comfort him. Andrew wasn’t looking forward to going any more than I was. Peter was playing with legos nearby. When the medics arrived we ran through our usual routine. By now there was usually one member of the team that had been to our house before. It was sad how routine the process had become.

The initial assessment over, the medics scooped Andrew up and carried him out to the ambulance. I had my bags, kissed Peter, and walked out the door, battling the resentment that I was going to the hospital alone and my husband was staying home with Peter. “God, I am so tired of this,” I vented. “I hate going through the ER. Everything takes so long. I hate the trauma of getting the IV. I hate going through Andrew’s history, especially in front of him. I hate what this might all lead to. I especially hate going through this alone!”

“You aren’t going alone. I am with you. You are never alone.” You would have thought God was standing right by the front door. It was so audible, so clear. I climbed into the front of the ambulance clinging to that truth for the strength to keep it together.

God’s word promises that He is always with us and will never leave us. No matter what circumstances we face, no matter what trauma we experience, He is there. Even if you don’t feel it or your circumstances are so tragic your mind says there’s no way He would stoop to where you are, it is a truth you can cling to, the true reality you can count on. In His greatness, you can't escape Him. And in His mercy, God never leaves you alone.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Juli.

    The day you posted this we celebrated mother's day here in Santa Cruz, Bolivia (two days before the actual mother's day on May 27). It was organized by the church for moms and moms alone. In fact, the whole past week has been about moms, and I think, rightfully so, you moms rock. Thanks for all you do and for seeing (and hearing) Him regardless of the circumstances. That just goes to prove and remind us that He is faithful.