Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Who’s Your Source?

Fear the Lord, you his saints, for those who fear him lack nothing. The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing. Psalm 34:9-10

It had been a hard couple of days. My husband showed signs of high stress both from work and home. With Peter now in a wheelchair full time, my husband spent every free minute making our home handicap accessible. Peter had developed strong, constant tremors in his trunk and leg, evidence his energy demand exceeded his supply. It made what few things he could do independently even harder. So we all felt pretty stressed already when I got word of the end for my brother’s marriage. I spent as much time as I could spare on the phone with him. I listened and encouraged, and then prayed a lot. By the end of the week it all caught up to me.

Friday night brought a fierce mental battle. In my fatigue and stress I got frustrated that my husband hadn’t done something special as a pick me up. He knew I hurt. It would have meant so much if he’d walked in the door with flowers, or sent me an ecard, or done something to acknowledge that he understood my pain. I wanted to get upset with him. But that wasn’t fair, I countered back. He had a full plate of his own. Plus I shouldn’t vent my pain at him.

I determined not to let the frustration from my unmet hopes and expectations carry over to how I treated him. I prayed and asked God to help me- I knew I couldn’t do it alone. I surrendered my desire to God and purposed to trust Him as my source. Only He could discern need from desire. I determined to release my disappointment and trust God for whatever result He thought best.

Later that evening, the doorbell rang. I opened the door to a floral delivery! I fought back tears. I didn’t yet know who sent them, but in my heart I knew God had provided. He recognized my need for a pick me up. He used the Special Needs Moms support group of our church to provide the flowers. They wanted to encourage me while I was down. But I recognized my friends were simply God’s hands.

As I examined the flowers, I rejoiced in God’s trustworthiness. My husband is not my source. My friends are not my source. My children aren’t my source. My job, my family, not even myself… my source can be nothing except God alone. When I diligently turn over my needs and desires to him, I can confidently trust his provision. Whether the strength to go without something I want, or the actual thing I hope for, God knows what’s best and faithfully provides.

Identify your sources today. Anything or anyone other than God will eventually let you down. Only he truly satisfies. Confidently come to him today.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Juli -

    I love this post -I love when I feel like God is speaking directly to me, knowing exactly what I need. But I am sorry that things are so difficult with Peter right now, so sorry. You have all been through so much, he's been through so much ... I think about you and pray for you often.