Wednesday, March 9, 2011

The Little Things

Your Father knows what you need before you ask him. Matthew 6:8

I turned the calendar page. This week proved to be one of the hardest of my life, the death of my second child. The seventh day began since we learned the reality of our position. I flipped the calendar from November to December. I caught my breath as I looked at the promise. “God will give you rest.” Could it be any more appropriate? I felt God’s presence wash over my soul…. The time had come for rest. For my Peter, and for my husband and I as care givers, it was time to rest.

I remembered standing in the store almost 12 months prior. With indecisiveness, I held three calendars in my hands. I loved the scriptures on the one with majestic nature scenes. My husband wasn’t a huge Psalms fan though. Another had great lighthouses which matched my decor but I felt a little, been there/done that, when I looked at it. The third calendar had these great artsy pictures, the kind I liked to take, focused in on one simple item with strong color or line or contrast. It stated 12 simple promises for the year, scripturally based but not worded as scripture. Unsure of my husband’s response, I purchased the artsy promises.

Now at the end of that year, I flipped the page and God’s promise rang true. Curious, I took the calendar off the wall and flipped back through the past months of our journey. It amazed me how precisely each promise matched what we’d endured.

July said God will provide for you. That month held Peter’s baptism. I desperately longed for his health to hold steady so I could experience this precious moment with my son. Peter was baptized July 7th. The downward spiral of Peter’s decline began the next day. God did provide.

August stated God will not fail you. We struggled through so many initial questions that month. Peter needed to get ready for the start of school. It proved a trying month but God got us through.

September promised God will strengthen you. That month Peter stayed so sick he couldn’t make it to school. His nausea kept us housebound. I faced Peter’s diagnosis of SMA syndrome and immediate hospitalization alone with my husband across the country on work travel. I struggled to endure many hard days but God provided the strength I needed.

October declared God will answer you. Peter turned 13 that month. He remained at home but with a central line and intravenous nutrition. I desperately wanted him to achieve stability and enjoy this milestone birthday. God answered that prayer. Although he couldn’t eat, he enjoyed his celebration with his best friends. We lavished our love on our son and affirmed this achievement of leaving childhood behind.

November avowed God will bless you. That month had held great pain as we faced the end of Peter’s journey. But blessed we were! The gift we received experiencing Peter’s faith and peace as he prepared for death can never be completely understood by others. My husband and I also experienced a huge healing in our own relationship as we pulled together to face this turbulent time in our lives. The hardest moments of our lives proved so rich with blessing.

And now December’s promise jumped out from the page. God will give you rest. The journey was complete. Even though I hadn't asked, God orchestrated that January purchase so many months before.

The promise didn’t make the end easier. But God’s presence did. The fact he already knew that January day what I would need that first day of December brought reassurance and peace. He did control all and know all. This loving gift of whispered promises declared his love, delivered his comfort. Although a little thing, it meant so much.

My friend, wherever you find yourself today, know your Father loves you. He sees you. He knows exactly where you are and he’s with you. He has an answer for your question, a healing for your hurt, a clear path through your confusion. Take comfort in his presence and know you don’t walk alone. He knows what you need before you even ask. I pray you experience him today.

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