Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Grieving- a Guest Post by My Boys’ Grandmother

Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning. Psalm 30:5 NLT

Day 1
I awoke this morning with my eyes leaking. Tears flowed down my cheeks and pooled onto my pillow. There is a missing.

Gazing out my bathroom window I saw the sun beginning to rise. It wasn’t a brilliant sunrise just a yellow orange ball. It shone through the naked beach trees. It is still winter or early spring here. There is no sign of life in the trees; the ground is dirt bare or still covered with snow. The sun turned paler and then was covered by clouds. I know that it is still there but I can’t see any evidence of it. It’s still cold out; still winter.

This is how I feel today like the barren trees, no sign of life. Just sticks in the ground limbs reaching to the sky. Is there a promise of spring? Will the sun shine again?

My heart is weeping today. My eyes are leaking. Grief has gripped me. I grieve for my grandsons now in the arms of Jesus but no longer in mine. I miss the hugs and smiles, my heritage cut off way too soon. They are at peace but I am in pieces. I know that one day I’ll be put together again. One day I’ll see Andrew and Peter again. But today grief has claimed my heart.

Life is hard right now. I listen to the songs of faith and hope. They still my racing heart and wash over me. My eyes still leak, tears falling down my cheeks. “Weeping will last for the night but joy comes in the morning”. Right now it is my night but I know joy will return and it’s ok to weep and grieve. I will move through it, just not today. Today I need to embrace it.

Day 2-Joy comes in the mourning

I arose today with song of praise in my heart and mind. Looking out my bathroom window I see the tress are still barren, the ground is dirt bare or snow covered. It is still late winter, early spring. The sun has risen once again. Today it is a bright, glowing yellow light dispelling the darkness, chasing the clouds away. Nothing has changed. Nothing has stayed the same.

Grief still gathers at the corners of my heart, tugging on my mind. Hope has arisen. I have this hope that is an anchor for my soul. It is anchored in the author of life, the victor over death, the healer of broken, grieving hearts. My hope is anchored through the veil in the person of Jesus Christ. I know there will be days of tears and over powering grief, but I do not live there. I pass through this valley only to return at another time. Grief is like the tides of the ocean it ebbs and flows. My God’s love is like the ocean. I am immersed in it. His love is never ending. He carries me through the ebbs and flows, continually sustaining and holding me up. My life is hidden in Jesus. So there is joy in the mourning along with the tears.

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