Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Graveside Comfort

While I enjoy a visit with my parents, thought I'd share my reflections from the first time I returned to graveside this winter after Peter passed. Snow covered the ground and wind deepened the already cold air. But it was time and God met me there.

Graveside 2/10/11
There’s still a mound
Blanketed in white
This is a good way to begin
God’s mercy covering the scar
The ground intruded to receive my son

Beside him it’s smooth
Flattened and settled over time
Yet the memorial stone peeks through
The vase, freshly filled,
Stands in tribute to his brother

I find comfort in how one’s complete
Even though the other is fresh
For he was waiting and
Now they are together
The older watching over the younger
Guiding and preparing the way

The yellow lilies provide a stark contrast against the white snow
I kneel on my blanket before both boys
Bundled against the wind
Joining the rustling branches in worship to God

I needed to be near my boys today
Sometimes running into the grief makes it easier
Today was not a day to run away

I know they aren’t here-
Yet here a part of them lies.
These are them
Not their things
Not a picture
Not a memory
But THEM
Their bones
Their bodies
The part I carried
Touched
Cared for
Nursed
Held
Who knew a grave could provide such comfort?

I cannot hold them
I cannot touch them
But I can be near them
And today, that is what I need

I used to bring Peter here
He would play under the pine tree
While I tended Andrew’s grave
While I remembered

It hurt when he could no longer come
I had to come alone
I didn’t come as much
But now he’s here
And I wish he wasn’t
We’re together again, we three

The tree where Peter played
Was ravaged by the recent storms
Broken limbs
Branches on the ground
Still standing tall
But wounded and not the same
It will live on
Its wounds healed into scars
Life continues

And that is me
A picture of my heart today
As I sit beside my boys

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18

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