Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Seasons of Change

You have circled this mountain long enough. Now turn north.
Deuteronomy 2:3 NASB

The past month God has been diligently whispering, tugging, and leading me into what seem to be next steps. I read the following quote this week by Ruth Graham that kind of sums things up.

Either we can be victimized and become victims, or we can be victimized and rise above it. Often it is easier to play the victim than take off our masks and ask for help. We get comfortable with our victim status. It becomes our identity and is hard to give up. The Israelites often played the victim card, and I love what God finally tells them, "You have circled this mountain long enough. Now turn north" Deut. 2:3

Turn North! It's time to move on! Self-pity, fear, pride, and negativity paralyze us. Taking off our masks takes courage, but if we don't do it, we will remain in our victim status and end up stunted.
(Fear Not Tomorrow, God is Already There pp.104-105)

What God's been showing me are whispers toward what's ahead. I don't know all the details, but then I wouldn't need to be walking WITH God would I? I do know that God's starting me on a journey towards a book. I also know God's laying direction on the hearts of my husband and I toward future purposes and ministries.

And then I read the above quote. And as I pondered what God would have me share in this blog, I think the quote confirms that it's about time for some change. I originated this blog to share my "stepping stones" - those milestone moments when God answered my questions and doubts, brought truth to replace assumptions and lies, and healed my broken heart...all through events connected with my boys.

But that season is now behind me. And like the Graham quote above, I think I've circled this mountain long enough and it's time to move on.

I have a new neighbor and it's been difficult not to mention what happened to my children. There's not been a need and so I've refrained. I found my desire to share wasn't out of necessity or God's direction, but the feeling that "grieving mother" was my identity.... I'm a Mom who's lost both her boys.

While that is a true fact, it is NOT my identity. While it will always be a part of my story, it is just that - a PART, a part of my journey in pursuing God. That is my identity- God's daughter.

I'm not saying I've arrived and have total truth now and there remains nothing to learn as per grief and the situation with my boys. But I do feel this blog will likely come to an end soon, as I move toward a more integrated approach to writing.

So would you pray for me? Would you pray that I know God's exact plan, timing and direction? As I begin fleshing out the outline God's given me, would you pray for my stamina and commitment to this calling? Would you pray that God goes before me, even now lining up the exact writing resources I need for this? And would you pray that I NEVER get before him, but rather walk closely with him letting him lead, guide and direct?

I can not do this myself. I have no desire to do this myself. I want to keep growing with God. If this is how he wants that to happen, then that is where I want to go.

I'll let you know as things move forward. And I'll always have a blog to follow :) But I'm seeking direction now for how to integrate things and focus my writing. Thanks for your patience, your support, and especially your prayers.

Excited about what God's doing....

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